The Tolerable Christmas Playlist: David Bowie & Bing Crosby

"Maybe I'm a Grinch, but fuck all non-Bowie Christmas songs." I tweeted something to that effect a little while ago, and have been compiling this list as a way of proving myself wrong. Yes, there is awesome Christmas music out there, but there is still not one song I like better than this one.

The story goes that Bowie was "actively trying to normalize" his career in 1982, and so agreed to appear on Bing's Christmas special. However, he balked at singing "Little Drummer Boy." Personally, I always found it incredibly corny, although like all Christmas songs it has a store of genuine emotion and significance beneath the must and tradition.

So to start, you have Bing Crosby, he of "White Christmas" legend, performing this old holiday chestnut, the sweet sentimental song of the Little Drummer Boy, and then you have Bowie coming in with something more outwardly meaningful, a direct plea for peace in our time, to raise children to care for one another. But it isn't a platitude, it's weighed down with realism: "Years from now, perhaps we'll see."

It isn't just that there's a new wrinkle on this song that makes it so brilliant. It's the combination. It's the fidelity to the past, the tradition that is so perfectly represented in Bing Crosby singing "Little Drummer Boy," and the forward-thinking verse and new generation crystallized in Bowie (at the time a mere 15 years into his career,) coming together to highlight one another, to evoke a timelessness in the message and spirit of Christmas that still sends a chill up my spine to this day.

The Tolerable Christmas Playlist: South Park, "Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics"

South Park always had a close relationship with Christmas. It began life as "The Spirit of Christmas," then brought us "Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo." For the first eight years, the show had a tradition of providing outstanding Christmas episodes that only really stopped when their airing schedule stopped coinciding with late December.

The third, "Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics," may not be the funniest or best-remembered... it came at a time when the shock of newness that accompanied the show had worn off, and a while before it discovered its gift for topicality. It's basically a hit-and-miss series of musical numbers, of which my favourite is the lounge act between Jesus and Santa. Considering the two had been introduced in their first short as sworn enemies, it's fun to see them kidding each other and trading off numbers.

Then Jesus shoulders Santa out as Santa can't think of a second decent "Santa" carol, and so the jolly fat man bursts in with a rendition of Duran Duran's "Rio," which to me has been an honorary Christmas song ever since.

I like it, because it turns the idea of the "War on Christmas" on its head, with Santa patently unable to overcome the focus on Jesus in the songs and culture on the season (never mind that "Rudolph" is at least implicitly a Santa song and "Jingle Bells" at least contains a sleigh, Jesus is still pretty well represented overall.) The song they end up duetting on, "Let It Snow," is secular, but not commercial, it's just a nice ditty about spending time together (and possibly making sweet love.) The whole context of it makes the songs so much better.

And for completeness, here's South Park's best contribution to the Holiday canon, "Lonely Jew on Christmas."

The Tolerable Christmas Playlist: How the Grinch Stole Christmas, "Welcome Christmas"

Probably the most outwardly cheesy song I will post on this Christmas Playlist. And while "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" gets all the glory, "Welcome Christmas" is the song that really encapsulates the wonderment of the Christmas season, especially the reprise, as they start "singing without packages, boxes or tags." It probably has more gibberish lyrics than actual ones, which is not unusual for Christmas music with all its "fa la las" and "rump pum pums." It's just that, being Dr. Seuss, the gibberish is unusually specific, "Fah Who Foraze, Dah Who Doraze..."

But of course, it has such quick, simple distillations of the Christmas spirit:

Christmas day will always be,
Just as long as we have we

[...]

Welcome Christmas, while we stand
Heart to heart, and hand in hand.

What more do you need? Shame this song never became a standard.

The Tolerable Christmas Playlist: Trans-Siberian Orchestra, "Christmas Eve/Sarajevo 12/24"

This is that one Trans-Siberian Orchestra song you're looking for.

The Tolerable Christmas Playlist: Barenaked Ladies & Sarah McLachlan

As far as contemporary takes on classic carols go, I'll always love this mashup from Barenaked Ladies and Sarah McLachlan, who make "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" a swinging, jazzy number, and lend "We Three Kings" some soul. The combination works astonishingly well and it was probably early exposure to this one that gave me a love for a good holiday medley.

The Tolrable Christmas Playlist: Straight No Chaser, "The Twelve Days of Christmas"

I will forever appreciate any group that manages to have fun with the standard Christmas songs/carols and not come off forced. Yes, Straight No Chaser's a capella schtick is as middle-of-the-road as anything but not only are they good at what they do, the charm they bring to their goofy now-legendary performance is pretty infectious.

The Tolerable Christmas Playlist: Beatles Christmas Records

In his book, Beatles Press Agent Tony Barrow recalls how the tradition of doing an annual fan club Christmas disc came about. Basically, as their fame grew, the fanclub had a hard time servicing its members (answering fan mail and such) so to keep it relevant he pitched the band the idea of recording a short disc to send out thanking them generally at the end of the year. It was somewhat crass - a way of keeping the club relevant without having to do too much extra work (the first record was made with extra time left over at the end of the "I Want To Hold Your Hand" session.) But it worked out, of course, because part of the Beatles' immense appeal was their personalities. Even if being in the club didn't literally get you closer to the Beatles, you were rewarded with a little glimpse of them. It became an annual tradition. They're fun and in their way sincere, which makes them fairly key Holiday listening.

The Tolerable Christmas Playlist: Weird Al, "The Night Santa Went Crazy"

When you're a kid, few things amuse you more than a twisted Christmas song. Everybody remembers "Jingle bells, Batman smells." My personal favourite was "We three kings of Washington Square / Try to sell some cheap underwear / This elastic, it's fantastic, $3.99 a pair."

Anyway. This was probably the first one I heard in recorded form, and it wasn't even based on a pre-existing carol. "Weird Al" went to the trouble of penning an all-original (two, if you include "Christmas At Ground Zero," which I like less) Christmas song, about Santa going on a murderous rampage. He knew his audience.

The Tolerable Christmas Playlist: The Muppets "One More Sleep 'Til Christmas"

I just happen to think the Muppets Christmas Carol is one of the best versions of the story, and that this song, like so much of what they do, manages to be both fresh and classic-sounding at once. Kermit as Bob Crachit sings this tune that sums up the innocence and joyfulness of the Christmas season - the anticipation - so well, which ties of course into the fact that for some (Scrooge) this will be a very special night indeed. This is not just a Muppets Christmas song, this is a "A Muppets Christmas Carol" song.

The Tolerable Christmas Playlist: The Ramones, "Merry Christmas (I Don't Want To Fight Tonight)"

Punk rock, at its best, is not merely angry, but sarcastic, clever, and observational. In the world of the Ramones, having one night without having your loved one jump down your throat over every stupid, frustrating thing is the best you can hope for - it would be enough because goddamnit, it's Christmas, and I just don't want to fight.

The Tolerable Christmas Playlist: Paul Simon, "Getting Ready For Christmas Day"

The first track off Paul Simon's really great 2011 album So Beautiful or So What is not really about Christmas, but uses Christmas as a shared cultural experience, as a way to tie together the disparate feelings Paul feels about aging and mortality... but, you know, in a fun way. Maybe someday I'll not just enjoy it, but fully understand it.

The Tolerable Christmas Playlist: Adam Sandler, "The Channukkah Song(s)"

For a long while (perhaps even to the present day) my understanding of the Jewish faith and their December holiday festival sometimes called "Hanukkah" came largely from Adam Sandler's songs listing various Jewish celebrities (sometimes obscure, sometimes fictional.) In general it's a nice message to Jewish youngsters, "All these people you've probably heard of probably celebrate the same things you do, so own it." It helps that the songs are catchy as hell, so even if they're basically just lists of names and forced rhymes with "Hannukah," you remember them.

My favourite line is "You don't need deck the halls or Jingle Bell Rock / 'Cause you can spin the dreidel with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock - both Jewish!" in case you forgot what the point of the song was. Also impressive, that he did all this before you could just go on Wikipedia and look up "List of Notable Jewish People."

The Tolerable Christmas Playlist: A Christmas Gift For You from Phil Spector

Probably the only Christmas album you need. I've written before about how Darlene Love's "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)" is one of, if not the only Christmas songs you could probably enjoy any time of the year. Producer/Murderous Psycho Phil Spector's approach to recording had a marriage made in heaven with Christmas music. His "wall of sound," laden with strings and backup vocalists and little twinkling glockenspiels are brimming with seasonal good cheer, and the performances he got out of his many performers always knew how to hit the right pitch of excitement, or sentiment, without ending up somehow overwrought or in any way bland. It's a fine line that few have walked successfully in the Christmases since... and those that have, often because they followed in his footsteps.

The Tolerable Christmas Playlist: Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band, "Santa Claus is Comin' To Town"

My memory of this song is so tied together with the Boss' anthemic repetition of the title phrase that I couldn't remember if this version actually contained any verses. I was pleased to find I wasn't far off. A lot of Christmas songs have obligatory 2nd verses that are not as iconic or well-remembered (and definitely not as good) as the first one, and I always thought this song had that going on in its other versions. Bruce's smart play with this one is to not waste any time on any part of the song that is not awesome.

That way, much better to emphasize the unique fervor Springsteen is capable of whipping up. His band is uniquely suited for that kind of brimming electricity. Dig Clarence Clemons' solo, which is one of those awesome moments in music of any kind.

The Tolerable Christmas Playlist: Chuck Berry, "Run Rudolph Run"

I love this song because its lyrics are unabashedly Christmassy, but the song itself sounds like something Berry would have recorded anyway. He didn't have to put on any holiday contrivances to wish people a merry, he could convey all the excitement of opening gifts and waiting for Santa in the same language and style he used when signing about cars and chicks. It was written for him by Johnny Marks and Marvin Brodie, but they knew his strengths and played to it.

The Tolerable Christmas Playlist: Linus & Lucy

Although not generally considered a "Christmas song" as much as a general theme for the animated Peanuts specials, "Linus & Lucy" qualifies because it first appeared on Vince Guaraldi's soundtrack to A Charlie Brown Christmas and has a gentle merriness that invokes the spirit of the season as much as any piece by Tchaikovsky. Simple, elegant, sweet.